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athelstan

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Sinric carries his bundle upstairs, side by side with Athelstan. They slip through the new invisible door into the solar, it's lighthouse like windows looking out onto the bar's forest and grounds.

The Bar has read their minds and set the room up accordingly - with a long low padded bench for Athelstan to lay on while Sinric massages him. The lights are low, the glass tinted to give the room a warm, protective feel.

And a basket in the corner for Athelstan's dog and his bone.

Sinric sets up the incense the bar gave him - an eastern blend that Sinric has always found deeply soothing. He plugs his little music player into the speakers and sets it to play the soft chanting music of the Buddhist temple in the Sinese Empire.

He holds a hand out to Athelstan and draws him close, offering him a warm hug if he wants it before gesturing for him to undress.

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"I love you." He whispers between kisses. "And I'm very grateful fate brought us together."

"Likewise. You've helped to keep me alive."

"My selfishness again." Sinric smiles playfully. "I want you in my life."

"Well, I don't want to die." He pats Sinric's hand even as he glances away for a moment. "Not really."

Sinric cups his cheek and eases Athelstan back to look at him. He holds Athelstan's deep eyes for a long, silent moment before kissing him again.

His kiss in deep, tender and said everything he can't say in words, expressing the love he feels.

Athelstan curls into his arms as they kiss, trying to express everything he feels in turn.

Sinric rests his forehead against Athelstan's as they break for breath. He hugs Athelstan close, his slight body warm against him.

"I wish I knew how to repair myself", he whispers after a long moment.

"Time, beloved. Time will heal you." He brushes his fingers gently over Athelstan's cheek. "You can't rush healing. Or the body or the soul."

"I suppose not." He makes himself not look away again. "I... I've put hope in people and events before, and through no fault of theirs, it just hasn't... I expected too much."

Sinric frowns, aware of how own failures to help Athelstan heal. Instead he gives Athelstan a tight squeeze and rests his head on Athelstan's chest, listening to his heart.

"I don't mean to blame you for it", he says again, "or Ragnar either. I thought seeing him again would make me whole, but it didn't, I just... perhaps one thing alone never can."

"But I assured you it would." He confesses sadly. "I hoped it would be what you needed."

"I did need it." Athelstan looks at him. "I did. And it did heal me in part, perhaps."

He nods, not arguing but not lifting his own guilt either. He gives Athelstan another squeeze. "Each small step is a step nevertheless."

"Besides", he says firmly, "how would I have got through those darkest times without hope that something would bring me light? That was you and the hope of reunion with Ragnar."

Sinric kisses him again. "As the thought of being with you and Ragnar again got me though the loss of my beloved Constantine."

Athelstan nods. "Just so. And though I'm reluctant to put too much faith in any one thing to heal me, it doesn't mean nothing will."

Sinric nods and kisses him again. "You know you will have any help I can give you. Even as simple as a massage or the warmth of my body to help you sleep."

"Those I will ask for without a doubt", he says with a faint smile, and lies back down.

Sinric snuggles down with him, resting his head on Athelstan's chest. "Rest now, my beloved. I will be here with you."

Athelstan lets his eyes close.

"Wake me when the sun comes up", he murmurs, "and I'll watch it with you."

"We have many hours before that bit I promise I will." At least they will have no reason to leave their nest to enjoy it.

"Oh, yes." He peers fuzzily at the sky. "Well, I'll probably sleep on and off anyway."

He usually does now.

"Don't fear to wake me if you need me." He begs. "I sleep lightly anyway but I am here for you."