(no subject)

[thewidewideworld]

{from here}

Sinric leads Athelstan back to their room, stopping at the bar to have a quiet word with the bar before they go. When they arrive in their rooms, the bed has been spread with a large, warm bear-fur and draped with silk. There are candles on the table, at bedside, on the windowsill, bathing the room in soft, warm light.

Sinric smiles and leads Athelstan towards the bed. "This night is for you, beloved Athelstan. We'll go only as far as you're ready for."

Comments

[athelstanthescribe]

"Sinric", he whispers, not arching up into Sinric's hands but enjoying them just as much. "You'll stay with me, come what may?"

[thewidewideworld]

"Tonight and always." Sinric promises, pressing kisses to Athelstan's cheek and ear, his voice soft but firm. "We are fated, beloved Athelstan. The three of us. We belong."

[athelstanthescribe]

"We belong." There's an ache in his voice despite himself. "And if nothing else, if - if something prevents Ragnar... we'll have Milliways."

[thewidewideworld]

"Athelstan, look at me." His dark eyes blaze as he cups Athelstan's cheek. "You are two halves of the same whole. Even if the breadth of the world stood between you, you would find your way back to each other."

He pulls Athelstan to him, holding him close. "He will come for you. Here and in the world. You will hold each again. You must hold that to your heart like armour so despair can never pierce you."

[athelstanthescribe]

Athelstan swallows, looking into Sinric's eyes.

"If you see despair creeping into me, remind me of this. Remind me often."

[thewidewideworld]

"I will." He promises. "Trust in this." He brings the armband to his lips, kissing the warm metal of Athelstan's arm ring.

"And this." He kisses Athelstan's chest over his heart.

"And this." He brings Athelstan's hand to rest over his heart, Athelstan's strong hand settled between his breasts.

[athelstanthescribe]

"I feel it." It's a rough whisper. "And if my God has abandoned me to find my own way, at least I have the two of you."

[thewidewideworld]

His eyes warm with love as he draws Athelstan into a soft kiss. "We make our own holy trinity - you, Ragnar and I. And say our prayers to each other."

For someone who has never known God's light and love, blasphemy comes easily to him.

[athelstanthescribe]

Athelstan's eyes widen in a shock based in the deep-rooted teachings of childhood, but he returns the kiss.

"Perhaps it was Ragnar I prayed to on the cross, and perhaps it was Odin who heard."

[thewidewideworld]

"Forgive me, beloved Athelstan. I don't mean to speak profanity." Sinric apologies, realising his words cause Athelstan discomfort.

"Perhaps if Ragnar is truly descended from Odin, your prayers were heard by the father of the gods all the same. No matter who your heart addressed them to."

[athelstanthescribe]

"I would forgive you anything." He strokes Sinric's face again. "Some god sent the king at the right moment to spare my life, that I know. But my own hasn't spoken to me for a long time, and now I have lost the words to speak to Him."

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric shakes his head, kissing Athelstan's hand and holding him close. "I have never heard the voice of God the way you do, any of the gods. The way the Varangians smile at the storm or the way the Arabs turn as a man towards Mecca at sunset. There is a power there I..." He shrugs. "I don't understand. I am sorry your god no longer calls to you but that doesn't mean you're alone."

[athelstanthescribe]

"Not in this world", he says softly. "But there is something in me that feels empty with no god occupying it."

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric has no answer for that. After all, he is less than a man, how could he fill the space left by a god?

Instead he kisses Athelstan; slowly, softly, pouring out his love into it.

[athelstanthescribe]

He gives himself over to it, taking the love he's found in the world and in life and being consoled by it.

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric finds himself wishing he had more to give, more to offer than this - the comfort of his body and the warmth of his love. But he doesn't. This is all he is and has.

"Tell me what I can give you, beloved Athelstan?" He whispers, breaking the kiss to rest his forehead against Athelstan's.

[athelstanthescribe]

Athelstan cups his face.

"What you're giving me is much more than nothing. More than my bloodied hands deserve to touch."

[thewidewideworld]

"Hush." He hisses passionately, kissing Athelstan again, a little roughly this time. "You deserve this and so much more. You deserve to be loved, to be cared for. Because I do love you. With all my heart."

[athelstanthescribe]

"Then perhaps you can teach me not to hate myself", he whispers. "To absolve myself of that innocent blood."

[thewidewideworld]

The break in Athelstan's voice is heartbreaking and Sinric's eyes cloud with tears for his friend, even as he kisses him.

"Do you remember how you held me when I can from the palace after Leo and his men were done with me? Do you remember how you washed me and kisses away my tears." He entwined their fingers, pressing Athelstan's hands gently back to the soft furs of the bed.

"Do you remember the first time we shared passion? How I shook and trembled when you brought me to completion for the first time in my life?"

"These hands have known blood, yes but they have known beauty and kindness and care. With these hands you saved me from despair that might have destroyed me. You have shown me pleasures that made my soul soar and see myself anew. Never forget that."

[athelstanthescribe]

He can't hold back a hiccuping sob at Sinric's words and caresses.

"Then I have done some good in my life, beyond creating beauty."

[thewidewideworld]

"You saved me." Sinric answers, his heart open utterly. "In so many ways. Without you, I would have died on the floor of that room. You have me hope and a reason to survive and when I came once more to your side, you gave me comfort and understanding."

And without Athelstan, Sinric would never have lived to meet Ragnar at that tavern and show him the way to the West.

[athelstanthescribe]

His head is half-buried in the pillow, which is looking suspiciously damp.

"As you and Ragnar will save me now."

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric leans in to kiss away the tears. "Yes." He promises. "Yes."

[athelstanthescribe]

And Athelstan breaks utterly for the first time, stops holding on to the need to show strength and pretend to be all right where Ragnar can see him.