(no subject)

[thewidewideworld]

{From here}

Sinric leans Athelstan into their rooms. It's clear he hasn't slept there either. Even the mead cup sits on the table when he left it.

He draws Athelstan towards the bathroom. "Will you bathe with me?" His voice is soft and gentle. "Your clothes smell rather strongly of goat."

Comments

[athelstanthescribe]

"Sometimes I think - "

I should just stay there until it's over.

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric lowers his eyes. "I must go back. To my Emperor. I will visit here often but I can no longer wait here, always fearing you will not return."

[athelstanthescribe]

"You have your life to live", he says quietly. "I don't want to hold you back."

[thewidewideworld]

"Just as you endure to sooner be with Ragnar, I endure to sooner set him on the path to you, as I have been preordained to do. If that is all the point of my life, it will not have been in vain."

[athelstanthescribe]

"But you live beyond that", he says, turning his head to look at him. "As far as we know."

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric forces a small smile. "And if I'm fortunate, I will see you again after that. But I will have done what I think I will be given my freedom to do."

[athelstanthescribe]

"Perhaps", he concedes. "And when it's done, you'll truly be free."

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric shakes his head and smiles, genuinely this time. "I will be truly free because I do it. Not a duty to discharge but an honour to be carried."

[athelstanthescribe]

He doesn't really understand, but the smile gets a more real one in response because it's the first he's seen from Sinric for a while.

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric kisses him again. Not a kiss to silence Athelstan, or to stop himself from speaking but a kiss borne of a need to share with Athelstan things Sinric cannot put into words.

[athelstanthescribe]

Athelstan leans into it, trying to do the same thing - not the pain, but his gratitude and love for Sinric for being one of the people trying to ease it.

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric breaks the kiss after a long moment, trying not to push and deepen the kiss.

[athelstanthescribe]

Athelstan's eyes turn a little sad.

"So patient", he murmurs.

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric shakes his head, lowering his eyes a little. "No, not so patient as I may seem. But practice has made me accustomed to putting another's needs first."

[athelstanthescribe]

"I hope you have found ways to see to your own needs", he says quietly. "Though I can't meet them."

[thewidewideworld]

"My needs are simple, and perhaps not as pressing as they sometimes seem. You need now worry for me."

[athelstanthescribe]

"Not worry, perhaps. But... I've been very selfish."

[thewidewideworld]

"You are healing. That takes time. I of all people know that well."

[athelstanthescribe]

"But I feel I've hardly given a thought to you, in the darkness. I wonder if I should go away..."

[thewidewideworld]

He pushes away a little. "You think I would be happier without you?" He makes a little disbelieving sound. "Trapped in your own darkness, you don't see the light you bring others."

[athelstanthescribe]

"How can I bring light, any more?"

He honestly doesn't understand.

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric moves back to him, cupping Athelstan's cheek and kissing him again. Not a kiss of need or desire but one that speaks deeply of the love he feels.

"Battered but not broken, despoiled but not ruined. This is what my beloved Emperor told me. And now I tell you."

[athelstanthescribe]

"But Sinric - " His voice breaks. "I have no joy left in me, except for the briefest moments that come about here."

[thewidewideworld]

He presses his hand gently to Athelstan's heart. "The smallest spark is enough to fan into flame. Ragnar will bring it back to life when you meet again."

[athelstanthescribe]

"When he brings me home", he says quietly. "I can never truly heal until then, when I will be safe."