(no subject)

[thewidewideworld]

{from here}

Sinric takes Athelstan's hand and leads him through an almost invisible door and down a couple of seemingly perfectly flat hallways that somehow open out onto the rooftop and a little flat terrace with a view of the eastern sky.

Sinric clearly spends some time up here because the spot is furnished with a daybed big enough to lay on or for two to sit together comfortingly and is draped with soft furry blankets of a cloth unknown in their time.

He helps Athelstan to the daybed and sits with him, setting the flask aside for now. The stars are still clear in the sky, even as dawn smudges the horizon with warmth.

Comments

[thewidewideworld]

"You are always welcome in all parts of me. I never intended to keep this place from you but never felt the time was right to show it to you. But now it is." He looks up at the sky and the yellow glow on the horizon. "This is where I came all the morning I was here, after I was attacked. This was where I cried when I couldn't bear for another soul to see me."

[athelstanthescribe]

Athelstan nods quietly.

"And now you bring me here to draw myself together again."

[thewidewideworld]

"Or to fall apart and cry, if that's what you need." Sinric touches his cheek lightly. "You know I will never judge. For I have felt something akin to what you feel now. And still do sometimes."

[athelstanthescribe]

"I don't know what I need", he confesses quietly. "Only that I couldn't spend another moment under those eyes. I was retreating to my room, the only hiding place I have."

[thewidewideworld]

"You felt oppressed by their stares?" He prompts gently, encouraging Athelstan to talk as he needs to.

[athelstanthescribe]

"Beyond bearing." He looks at his hands. "They all know who and what I am. The bishop still wishes me dead, I know, and many of the townspeople, but they don't dare gainsay the king. When I was first in the North, they stared, and it frightened me, but that was only curiosity. I never knew what it was like to be watched with hatred from all around."

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric strokes his hand, just listening and letting Athelstan talk.

[athelstanthescribe]

"And it will never end", he almost whispers. "Not until Ragnar comes for me. And then, I fear, may come stares of contempt from the other men."

[thewidewideworld]

"Ragnar will come for you. And as yours did for me, his love will shine so bright it will cast other men's contempt into shadows."

He kneels up to look into Athelstan's eyes, his own deep with understanding. "I know what you feel. I felt that way too. After news of my use at the hands of Leo's men spread around the palace I felt all eyes on me. Some with pity and some with a lust to dare what other men had done. I felt everyone who looked on me saw either a broken thing or a body to be used. It was a long time before I learn to walk tall again."

[athelstanthescribe]

He nods, choking on his breath again for a moment.

"There - there was one who treated me with kindness, but it was gratitude. She had been misused by her husband and taken refuge in a convent, I spoke the truth of how the Northmen treat their free women and the king ruled against allowing her husband to brand her. She approached me with her thanks and kissed my cheek, but I may never see her again."

[thewidewideworld]

"But her gratitude and touch made you feel connected again?" Sinric asks softly.

[athelstanthescribe]

"Just for the briefest moment, and then she smiled and was gone. I think I'll never forget that."

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric holds Athelstan's hand softly, entwined their fingers and massaging the meat of his thumb. "I'm sure she feels the same for you. You changed her fate through your wisdom and honestly."

[athelstanthescribe]

"She had a lovely face", he says softly. "Even through the scarring. And a good and honest heart, I think."

[thewidewideworld]

"You loved her in that moment?" Sinric asks without judgement. Love can mean so many different things at different times.

[athelstanthescribe]

"It's silly - I don't even know her name - but I believe in that moment in the marketplace, I did. It was the first gentle touch I'd felt in our world for weeks."

[thewidewideworld]

"There is nothing silly about it. I felt the same for Castor. I had been home a month and was still weak and skittish. There was a reception, I don't remember whom for but the hall was full of strangers and solders and the smell of male sweat and wine. It was too much and I started to shake."

"Castor saw me and took my hand. He lead me away to a courtyard where it was quiet and cool and bathed my forehead from a fountain till I stopped shaking. No word passed between us but I felt such love for him in that moment of simple kindness."

[athelstanthescribe]

"I could find her", he says on an impulse, " - to be her friend. But she'll have gone away into the quiet of her convent, and perhaps it's best left alone."

[thewidewideworld]

Sinric lets Athelstan come to that decision on his own, still massaging the meat of his hand.

[athelstanthescribe]

"If it brought a taint on her... no. I must not."

[thewidewideworld]

"You saved her from the pain and indignity of a burning brand. And she was grateful. There is no taint in that, regardless of what other men may see."

[athelstanthescribe]

"Other men and women. Her sisters in God... If I meet her again, I'll be glad of it, but to seek her out..."

[thewidewideworld]

"Then let fate guide if your paths should close again." Fate, not God in whom Sinric has no trust.

[athelstanthescribe]

He nods. "That would be best. There can be no blame in a chance meeting."

[thewidewideworld]

"So may men see it but I doubt it was chance. This place has taught me to doubt chance. Perhaps she is destined to become a great woman of the church, or a saint, or a queen. And you have protected her path."